you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
