trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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