she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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