why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize