pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
