I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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