I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
