wanna go halves on a baby?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
