U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
