i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
