His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
