Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
