He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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