I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
