I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize