she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Drunk is a universal language darling
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
