Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
