I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hope mine doesn't look like that
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
