i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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