he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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