Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
