I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
