You're my little dorito
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
