watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
