Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
