I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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