dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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