is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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