If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
