went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize