he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
His nipple licking is glorious
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