You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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