dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
