Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
