it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
