I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
