My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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