The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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