my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
