I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
