I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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