it's great music for shaving your balls
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
