wat bout pragnant strippers??
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
