On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
