I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
