ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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