My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
