My girlfriend figured out who you are.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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