Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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