He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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