I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
