Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize