Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
