...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
