You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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