When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
