I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
