yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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