Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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