Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
