she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
only you would photoshop your dick
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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