i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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