If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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