I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I love how my cats smell like pot.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
