wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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