I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
