how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize