1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
