U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
