Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
