I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Porn is love you can see.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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