so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
