I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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