Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
