Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
