Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
