Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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