i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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