Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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