Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we made out on top of his cat.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
