would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
