8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
