put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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