I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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