No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
