You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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