is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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