i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
