i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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