what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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