You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
