His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
