Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
