dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
