i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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