im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
