"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
