You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
