Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
