I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
