ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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