my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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