don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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