Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
